The Road

I looked behind me and I see the road I’ve traveled, I look in front of me at the road I’m yet to journey on. 

Behind me is my youth and all the things I have done; my accomplishments, my pain, my happiness, my mistakes. In front of me is everything yet to come. 

And I wonder what the future holds as I age.

I wonder of my health and of my financial stability. And while I wander of my future I think of my past, I think of the choices I’ve made and the road I have taken. 

And I think of how all of this affects where I’m at now.

Am I satisfied? Do I have enough to go on? And if I think I want more, how much more do I need? And if I think I want less how much less can I use?

 And I think of the two little ones that I helped bring into this world. 

And I think of their future and my place in it. I think about how I will influence their life with you my love.

Together we are sharing the present and remembering the past while we plan for the future. Together as we go on in age and on this path, we have our little ones now. Intrusted to us by God, we are their guides. 

How will we influence their lives?

Standing still I look from front to back. I can say I’ve been blessed but I hunger for more: more experiences with our children and more life with you; more time and more tomorrows.

Then my thoughts turn back to you.

Standing still, I remember what you said, “together we can accomplish anything but we have to stop fighting. Constant movement and forward gain.”

And you are right, we are good together.

Together we can accomplish what we both want in life. Together we can do it all. Together we can make our children happy and ensure they have a love for God.

Together.

People always say marriage is hard work and it’s tough. But it’s tough because I need to move past myself. I need to live for someone else and that someone else live for me.

I need to allow you to love me.

So on this road I take your hand and we both carry our children with us. For I know I’m not alone on this road I travel. My love, my inspiration, my rock is there traveling it with me.

stuck

The energy doesn’t flow there 

It never gets through 

Its like a door that doesn’t open 

Or a tightly sealed vault.

I can do all the prep work 

But can’t follow through,

I can do all the research and gain the know-how

But it’s all that I can do.

The end of a project 

The finish line is always the goal

But something inside me hinders me from completion

It’s like I can’t follow through.

What is this invisible force that stops me?

What is this power controlling my psyche? 

Unknowing yet powerful enough to deter me

Almost like I never want to say goodbye To all the hours spent 

Creating is what I like to do but I hate being done with it

And start on something new.